The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, September 23, 2005

News 2020

Foreign Secretary clarifies underground personnel status

Three more British undercover soldiers were rescued today from an Islamist militia rathole surrounded by a frenzied Muslim crowd thought to be under the influence of radical Muslim Islamists.

The undercover soldiers were arrested by Muslim militiamen on the pretext that they were carrying weapons. The soldiers had adopted traditional Arab dress in order to facilitate population non-aggressivity.

An Islamic militia spokesman told the Muslim propaganda agency Aljazeera that "armed persons in civilian dress are usually called 'spies' in wartime and 'terrorists' in peacetime."

However, the British Foreign Secretary today offered a clarification of the undercover soldiers' status. "They were certainly not spies or terrorists," he said.

The soldiers were rescued by a special uniformed squad in an armoured vehicle, which caused some damage to a wall in the building, allowing several dozen collateral abscondments.

The rescuers were shouted at by a mob, which also threw various items at their vehicle. The Ministry of Defence has said that the type of vehicle the soldiers were using rarely has more than a few centimetres of armour plate to protect its occupants against those they are democratising.

The Foreign Secretary also responded to reporters' concerns that such situations could arise more and more given the confused and violent state of the region's inhabitants.

"The Government and our allies fully appreciate the difficulty involved in living under a violent insurgency," he said. "That is why our undercover soldiers, military civilians and compassionate interrogators are working so hard to impose a credible democracy in the region."

British personnel, underground and above-ground alike, were doing a wonderful job under difficult circumstances and deserved the nation's full support, the Foreign Secretary informed reporters in conclusion.

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