The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Conference 2020

The NuLibLab Coalition conference kicked off today with a barnstorming speech from the Prime Minister's second most expensive speech-writer which swept the ball firmly into the party's court.

"We will provide a third way between the NuConLibs at home and the Homeland Constitution in America," Mr Brunton Grundon told the conference amid a cascade of pale pink balloons. "We will not just inhabit the centre ground, but dominate it."

"A great British society. This we stand for," Mr Grundon said. "A home-owning, share-owning, asset-owning, wealth-owning democracy, not just for some but for all. And if that isn't greatness and Britishness, I don't know what is".

During the next parliament, he said, the Government would renew its humble request for voluntary curbs on chief executives' pay, saying that "those at the top [should show] the same responsibility they ask of others", as has been the Prime Minister's habit from birth.

He said the Government wanted to see ""Britain no longer defined and diminished by the divisive ideology of them and us, of something for nothing, that denied Britain a shared national purpose."

To this end, Mr Grundon promised tough new restrictions on gipsies, travellers, asylum seekers, smokers, drinkers, preachers of hate, practitioners of non-Britishness, hooded teenagers and welfare cheats.

Mr Grundon said that the Government would continue its long record of straight talking and fiscal responsibility and would continue to "spend what it takes" to prevent the British people being much less secure than they might have been had Britain and her allies pursued a different foreign policy.

Of the opposition, he said that they would never have the courage to match the Government's spending on security, and that their "sums and whole philosophy never add up."

He concluded: "Our mission renewed, our values for all, our country united, our community moral," and added that representatives of the Minister of Freedom would be touring every region of the country to ensure that this programme was properly implemented.

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