The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Satanic Supplement

Beach,n. Resting place for oil-slick detritus such as sea-birds and holidaymakers.

Dream,n. In English, a sleeping or waking fantasy. In American English, any ambition from the naive to the megalomaniacal which is compatible with the Constitution and the Protestant work ethic.

-ism,suffix.(Politics) Attached to the surnames of innovators, to signify the final fossilisation of their ideas into doctrine.

Law,n. Formalised expediency.

Mottick,v.t. To dance around someone in an ungainly and derisive manner.
They tied him to a tree and proceeded to mottick him unmercifully all morning.
Wingley Bop


Nepotism,n. Preferment of the devil one thinks one knows.

Persist,v.i. To fail repeatedly.
A god both Fat and Futile sat
Upon a Pointless Pot;
A Flabby Fly came Buzzing By,
On his Stone Eye to Squat.

The god he Winked, and also Blinked,
To Try and Dislocate
This Horror Small whose Outsize Gall
Had Roused his Holy Hate.

The Fly flew off, and Gave a Cough;
But - What a Dreadful Bore -
It soon Returned, Quite Unconcerned,
To Settle there Once More.
Shaddock Mooble


Rotgut,n. Alcoholic liquor of inferior variety. The better varieties merely rot the brain.

Sycophancy,n. That which oils the wheels of politics and greases the cogs of business. The gift of subordinates and the insurance of incompetents. An acceptable substitute for honesty in almost any circumstances.

Vulture,n. Bald-headed scavenger with a beak usually embedded in the intimate affairs of a corpse. Comparisons with the Jurisprudentius aquilinus, or Legal Eagle, though frequent, can hardly be fair, as it is customary for lawyers to wear wigs.

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