The Satanic Supplement

Arrival,n. The disappointment which follows a period of travel.

Contradict,v.t. To make an equal and opposite error.

Forger,n. A freelance printer subject to government interference.

Impossible,adj. Lacking the good manners to fit in with your preconceptions of what is possible.

Jilt,v.t. To suffer a last-minute attack of character judgement.

Life,n. The unconventional and temporary state of not being dead.

Noble,adj. Inert and largely useless. Applicable to entries in both the Periodic Table and the peerage.

Obgulate,v.t. To block someone's oesophagus by surgical means.
"If the new diet doesn't help, we'll just have to buy some bricks and obgulate him."
Mongo Scuffer

Proven,adj. Attested to by a quorum of adequately bribed witnesses.

Sleep,n. A period of passive unconsciousness between two periods of violent unconsciousness.

Unattractive,adj. Lacking in money, charm, beauty, health, coolness, passion, trendiness, dress sense, posture, strength, vulnerability, edge, a sense of humour, any combination of the above or sufficient dishonesty to fake the same.