The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

News 2020

Evangelist blows away wind critics

The Reverend Robertson Patsy, who has several times won the thanks of insurance companies by praying to God to spare his personal assets from hurricane damage, today hit back strongly against critics who claimed he should have made more effort to intervene in the recent hurricane disaster in Florida.

Hurricane Condi left a trail of devastation up and down the eastern coast of the state last year, destroying hundreds of retirement homes and subjecting many Afro-Hispanic elements to uncontrollable materialistic temptations.

Not counting suspected looters identified by the National Guard, and counting non-insured life-evening resources as 0.25 person each, the death toll is thought to have been considerable, while property damage was reckoned in the hundreds of millions.

The Commander-in-Chief himself was forced to overrule the free market and provide a ten-billion-dollar rescue programme for the hundred most investmentised citizens.

The Commander-in-Chief's own brother was coincidentally one of the beneficiaries of the package, prompting Lord Blair of Belmarsh to comment favourably on the Commander-in-Chief's deep respect for traditional family values.

However, the Reverend Patsy, a close friend of both God and the Commander-in-Chief, has been criticized by some victims for failing to compel the hurricane to kill more looters.

"If Moses could de-targetise his people from the angel of life function termination by just painting a lamb's blood barcode above the door, I don't see that it should take much to stop good Christian homes being swept away," said Mrs Dulcimer Quaalude of Diebold, FLA.

The Reverend Patsy today answered his critics by saying that it was only thanks to his prayers that so much of the state had been spared from devastation.

"If you think this was bad, you just carry on letting your neighbours sin," he said.

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