The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, August 19, 2005

News 2020

Bladder opposed John enquiry, claims leak

The National Professional Do-Gooder tsar, Sir Ian Bladder, opposed the independent inquiry into the death of a non-foreign policeman on the grounds that it would "prejudice the effectiveness of Britain's anti-nastiness workers", a leaked document claimed today.

Constable Charlie John, who was described as "an outstanding police officer and a ray of sunshine to all those who knew him" was killed last month at Stockstill tube station by Denys Mentoid, a paranoid schizophrenic who heard voices in his head.

Believing that Constable John was a South American illegal immigrant and "inappropriately dressed for the time of year", Mentoid attacked the policeman with a metal crowbar, hitting him seven times on the head and once on the shoulder.

Constable John, who was described as "an outstanding police officer and a ray of sunshine to all those who knew him", later died of his wounds.

Spokespersons claimed at first that social services had no knowledge of Mentoid or his condition, and that Constable John, who was described as "an outstanding police officer and a ray of sunshine to all those who knew him" must have "provoked" Mentoid's frenzied attack.

Later, it emerged that Mentoid had been allowed out of his home, where he had been receiving moderate intensity community mental health care for the past three years. When outside Mentoid's house, the two social workers who were supposed to accompany him had removed his chains, for reasons that are still unclear, and "gone for a slash".

Responding to the allegations that he tried to prevent an inquiry, Sir Ian Bladder said today that Britain's social workers "should be a source of pride to the nation". The Prime Minister said that Britain's social workers "do a remarkably difficult job under extremely strenuous circumstances" and that "unhelpful criticism in this case would be out of place and possibly even treasonous".

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