The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Regrettable Circumstances

The Metropolitan police have issued a statement expressing regret at the pumping of five bullets into the head of someone unconnected with the failed bombings of 21 July. "For somebody to lose their life in such circumstances is a tragedy and one that the Metropolitan Police Service regrets," they said. Jolly white of them.

The man who so carelessly lost his life emerged from a block of flats that was under surveillance. Police officers in plain clothes followed him to the station, his clothing and behaviour adding to their suspicions. I wonder what his behaviour was. Perhaps he acted as if he thought he was being followed. In any case, they followed him to the station, where the regrettable circumstance occurred. According to the mayor of London, the terrorists were to blame.

No one should underestimate the difficulties of the police in dealing with potential suicide bombers. If someone blows up fifty people and it later transpires that he walked through a cordon of armed police on the way, few are going to be very understanding towards the Met. Similarly, if an innocent person is stopped and searched and found to have nothing worse than a few Asian antecedents, the cry of "institutional racism" will not long be silenced. Unfortunately, the cry of "institutional racism" is also quite likely to be heard if the Met starts treating all British Asians as potential mass murderers.

As long as Iraq is not the problem, as Tony has told us it isn't, there are few effective ways to deal with the problem of suicide bombers on the Underground. One is to have everyone searched on entering a station, which will bring the capital grinding to a halt and will cause the bombers to start blowing up restaurants, discos, clubs and so forth. They'll probably get around to those in any case, but let's try to continue as much as possible as normal. The problem with searching every Tube passenger is that the consequences would enable the terrorists to feel they had succeeded in disrupting our way of life, which as everyone knows is their main and only ambition.

As long as Iraq is not the problem, as Tony has told us it isn't, another possibility is to keep watch over every Muslim in the country, tap their telephones, open their letters and station a police guard with dogs in the entrance of every mosque. Those Muslims who object can be detained on suspicion for their incriminating antipathy to multiculturalism. This policy has the advantage of not inconveniencing any non-Muslims except the ones that get blown up because of the surge in volunteer bombers which will result from the policy. It is for others to judge whether this is a price worth paying for the continuing non-disruption of our way of life.

As long as Iraq is not the problem, as Tony has told us it isn't, a third possibility is to let the suicide bombers do their work, and then use evidence, witnesses, informers and other police tactics to try and catch the ringleaders. This has the decided advantage of avoiding the all-too-familiar embarrassment of pre-emptive strikes which later turn out to have pre-empted a nonexistent threat. Perhaps Tony and Officer Five-Rounds can get together one day and exchange commiserations; or perhaps the comparison is unfair. Officer Five-Rounds, after all, may have made an honest mistake, however over-emphatic he undoubtedly was in making it.

The problem with letting the suicide bombers do their work, of course, is that people will continue to get blown up. However, people will most likely continue to get blown up as long as our hated lifestyle remains undisrupted; so as long as Iraq is not the problem, as Tony has told us it isn't, it would seem sensible to keep added inconveniences such as race wars to a minimum. After all, nobody is to blame for criminal activities except the criminals themselves. When people are burgled or mugged, they blame the burglar or the mugger, and the matter is generally uncontroversial. But when law-abiding persons get their brains blown out by the Metropolitan Police, one cannot always rely on people to do as Ken Livingstone did and blame suicide bombers who were not present. There will always be a few malcontents who'll try to pin the responsibility on the Metropolitan Police.

If only Iraq were the problem. Then it would all be so simple. We could just pull our troops out; the advantages would be tremendous. They wouldn't have to get killed any more in the service of a foreign chimpanzee, we wouldn't be violating international law any more (at least not in Iraq), we wouldn't be associated with people like John Howard and Silvio Berlusconi, and the bombers and their bosses would go somewhere else to play. But alas, this cannot be. Iraq is not the problem, because Tony has told us it isn't.

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