The Satanic Supplement

Arms race,n. Charitable event organised for the benefit of underprivileged weapons manufacturers, in the form of a government-subsidised competition with no referee, no agreed finishing point, and several billion losers.

Capitalist,n. Someone who believes that the crime of being poor should incur the severest possible penalty.

Devil,n. He who offers a fair price for your soul, while his rival demands it free of charge.

Freedom,n. A political tool whereby the subtler dictators maintain their regime, by the simple expedient of withholding as much of it as possible and then threatening removal of the rest.

Illegal,adj. Contrary to the interests of the legislature.

Map,n. Means by which, before setting out on a journey, the process of getting lost can be rehearsed in detail.

Popularity,n. A politician's ability to stop just short of provoking a revolution.

Specialist,n. Someone who is aware of the extent of their own ignorance with regard to one single subject.

Tenancy,n. Period of time required to render a dwelling uninhabitable to the next occupier.

Unipodgid,adj. Tubby in only a single respect.
"I may be overweight, but at least it's only my abdomen that suffers. You are not nearly so unipodgid - fatty!"
Clodagh C. Pondible

Volatile,adj. Flammable. The derivation, from the Latin volare, to fly, is doubtless a relic of those pious days of old, when those suspected of a talent for air travel were supplied by generous neighbours with a corresponding facility for combustion.