The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

The Satanic Supplement

Ally,n.(Military) A country which, when you kill its citizens, will let you off with an exchange of diplomatic courtesies.

Conjugal,adj. Relating to the process of progressive disappointment.

Fanatic,n. Someone who pursues a wrong course of action with noticeably more consistency than you are displaying in pursuit of the right one.

Humane,adj. Descriptive of a foreign policy which involves murdering only those who refuse the privilege of enslavement.

Leader,n. He who is last to the field of battle and first to the field of victory.

Nulliphant,n. Someone whose exterior can be torn away to reveal a vacuum within.
Mr Speaker, the Prime Minister is no more than a posturing nulliphant.
Hansard


Perfection,n. That which can be superseded only by the claims of its advertisers.

Subtlety,n. Quality distinguishing he who denies the crime from he who blames the victim.

Travel,n. Process of broadening the mind, usually by confirming and elaborating the xenophobic prejudices of which the mind is largely composed.

Unpatriotic,adj. In total agreement with the professed aims and beliefs of one's own government, and thus in total disagreement with its true aims and beliefs.

Wandering Jew,n. Mythical figure condemned, for the crime of mocking Christ, to wander the earth until Judgement Day. One of the earliest known beneficiaries of the Saviour's vaunted mercy, in which we have all been so happily basking ever since, and certainly the best known recipient of the famous other cheek.

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