The Satanic Supplement

Alive,adj. Engaged in repeating, with few significant variations, the follies of the dead.

Conservation,n. A politician planting one tree before reading a speech printed on the mortal remains of five more.

F.D.,abbr. Fidei Defensor, or Defender of the Faith. This title was conferred upon King Henry VIII of England for services rendered to the Catholic Church - which, oddly enough, did not include his leaving it. When he did eventually leave it, in order to form his own Church with himself as pope and England's coffers, rather than the Vatican's, as God, Henry retained the title. Consequently, with the sense of honour which lesser nations have come to expect of the British, all subsequent English monarchs since Henry have been both head of the Church of England and Defender of the Catholic faith. There is nothing an Englishman hates more than a hypocrite.

Grouse,n. A flying creature bred at vast expense on very private land purely for the pleasure of having it shot down. Distinct from the fighter aircraft in that the grouse has greater nutritional value.

Irony,n. The steel in the backbone of wit.

Martyr,n. Saint who has atoned for a lifetime of tedious virtue by undergoing a moderately entertaining death.

Nubitrund,adj. In the process of becoming buxom.
Though her grandmother was moribund, Norah was indubitably nubitrund.
Dingley Feemo

Retch,v.i. To make an intelligent critical response to a television mini-series.

Soldier,n. Hired assassin on the lowest rung of that honourable profession's scale of pay, generally acquired in bulk and spent in a not dissimilar fashion.

Vermiform,adj. Resembling a junior minister.