The Satanic Supplement

Aborigines,n.pl. First inhabitants of a country to be thrown out of it.

Backbone,n.(Military) Desirable quality for new recruits; an internal prop of sufficient strength to keep aloft a skull of solid wood.

Cannon,n. The intermediate stage in the food chain between the patriot and the maggot.

Date,n. Fruit which one bites into with relish for its delicious flavour, only to break one's teeth on the hidden stone inside. Consequently the word also signifies a romantic assignation.

Education,n. Replacement of childhood ignorance with adult bigotry.

Fan,n. Device for creating a current of air by means of rapidly moving parts, e.g. rotating blades, flapping arms, bawling larynxes, etc.

Ground,n. One of the few things in life which are unlikely in the immediate future to collapse on top of us.

Human,n. The best-used prefix to the word error.

Intimacy,n. Intervening stage between infatuation and disgust.

Legal,adj. Not illegal, as yet.

Mass,n. Scientific measurement of the extent to which an object is capable of getting in the way.

Nymphomaniac,n. A woman addicted to disappointment.

Papal,adj. Relating to the dispensation of pap.

Repent,v.i. Sincerely to regret the unprofitability of one's sins.

Soul-search,v.i. To look for a credit card.

Tobacco,n. Method of committing suicide, through burning the dried leaves of the plant and inhaling the corrosive smoke. Slightly quicker, but less reliable, than breathing ordinary air.

Veaplet,n. The strip of cloth that covers the zip on a pair of trousers.
His suit must be more than twenty years old; nobody nowadays wore veaplets that wide.
Gockler Zump

Win,v.i. Future tense of cheat.

X,symbol. Indicates an unknown quantity; used on ballot papers to signify the candidate who has revealed the fewest facts.