News 2020
Emergency hotlines to be re-outsourced
North Korea could soon be the new India, according to planners from Call Centre Central Incorporated, the company which the Government has contracted to run the new privatised hotlines for emergency services.
The company plans to re-outsource the hotline answering service from India to North Korea within the next six months. The tiny Far Eastern country is on the brink of a massive humanitarian catastrophe and contains only three people who can speak English, two of whom disappeared during the last months of the Communist regime and are thought to have been shot.
"We have an obligation to the British taxpayer to provide the most economic service possible," said CCCI executive Wimsey Blaghard. "Call centre staff in North Korea, who have no qualifications whatsoever for the job, are by virtue of that fact far cheaper to hire than those in India."
The Department of Strength through Choice has denied that the introduction of private contractors to operate the special semi-off-peak-rate 0898-999 lines is the first step in a "creeping privatisation" of the police, health service and fire brigade.
"The contracting out of telecommunicative operations is a vital and integral factor in the continuing efficientisation of the emergency response industry," said health minister Vomer Gussett yesterday.
Eventually, the Government hopes to outsource further aspects of the emergency service provision industry, with police cars and ambulances being gradually phased out in favour of Korean paratroop units which will be based near the call centres for maximum rapidity of response. The units could be flown to the site of any emergency in Britain on normally scheduled American military flights and be dropped by parachute with almost maximal precision, according to Government think-tanks.
The Chair of the National Police Executive, Mustela Nivalis, has joined the Government in welcoming the announcement from Call Centre Central.
Ms Nivalis rose to national prominence eighteen months ago, when she authorised the use of NPE water-cannon to facilitate the controversial lock-out of combustion minimalisation personnel during the summer pay dispute. Although several dozen firefighters were injured during clashes with police and over 400 people died in twelve million pounds' worth of burning buildings, Ms Nivalis won praise for her refusal to utilise the water cannon for putting out fires.
"The upward enhancement of service intercommunicativity will certainly facilitate workforce versatilification," said Ms Nivalis today.
North Korea could soon be the new India, according to planners from Call Centre Central Incorporated, the company which the Government has contracted to run the new privatised hotlines for emergency services.
The company plans to re-outsource the hotline answering service from India to North Korea within the next six months. The tiny Far Eastern country is on the brink of a massive humanitarian catastrophe and contains only three people who can speak English, two of whom disappeared during the last months of the Communist regime and are thought to have been shot.
"We have an obligation to the British taxpayer to provide the most economic service possible," said CCCI executive Wimsey Blaghard. "Call centre staff in North Korea, who have no qualifications whatsoever for the job, are by virtue of that fact far cheaper to hire than those in India."
The Department of Strength through Choice has denied that the introduction of private contractors to operate the special semi-off-peak-rate 0898-999 lines is the first step in a "creeping privatisation" of the police, health service and fire brigade.
"The contracting out of telecommunicative operations is a vital and integral factor in the continuing efficientisation of the emergency response industry," said health minister Vomer Gussett yesterday.
Eventually, the Government hopes to outsource further aspects of the emergency service provision industry, with police cars and ambulances being gradually phased out in favour of Korean paratroop units which will be based near the call centres for maximum rapidity of response. The units could be flown to the site of any emergency in Britain on normally scheduled American military flights and be dropped by parachute with almost maximal precision, according to Government think-tanks.
The Chair of the National Police Executive, Mustela Nivalis, has joined the Government in welcoming the announcement from Call Centre Central.
Ms Nivalis rose to national prominence eighteen months ago, when she authorised the use of NPE water-cannon to facilitate the controversial lock-out of combustion minimalisation personnel during the summer pay dispute. Although several dozen firefighters were injured during clashes with police and over 400 people died in twelve million pounds' worth of burning buildings, Ms Nivalis won praise for her refusal to utilise the water cannon for putting out fires.
"The upward enhancement of service intercommunicativity will certainly facilitate workforce versatilification," said Ms Nivalis today.
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