News 2020
Disgraced ex-minister may return
The former Minister of Freedom, David Blunted, who was forced into resigning his post by the machinations of a scheming ex-lover who took advantage of his emotional vulnerability, may soon return to the Cabinet transfigured and glorified in the radiance of holy benignity, officials said today.
Mr Blunted's public reputation as a tyrannical bigot with the sex appeal of a Customs and Excise rubber-glove search was belied by the revelation of his affair with the wife of another man.
"The Prime Minister's Christian faith and burning moral conviction moved him to forgive Mr Blunted as quickly as possible and invite him back into the Government as expeditiously as possible," said Downing Street spokesperson Bedham Lovchylde.
Mr Blunted has spent his weeks in the wilderness dictating his memoirs and defending British history from its fashionable detractors. "For decades we have been forced to apologise for our achievements," he wrote recently. "It has even become fashionable to decry colonial architecture, to mock at pith helmets."
Mr Blunted was particularly concerned at the way in which schoolchildren were encouraged to see early modern Britain as an aggressive, imperialistic, slave-trading nation. "Barely a mention is made, if any, of the way in which the British entrepreneurial spirit helped make peace a reality among warring African tribes through the introduction of radical overseas work schemes as early as the sixteenth century," he wrote.
"The logical conclusion of such reasoning is that all British institutions are entirely worthless and immoral," he continued. "Do not be surprised if, in the very near future, such people are found agitating for the repeal of habeas corpus and the tearing up of Magna Carta."
Asked today about his likely return to power, Mr Blunted refused to comment, except to say that if he were needed he would be happy to step in and repair any damage done by the present Minister of Freedom, Chas Cluck, who replaced Mr Blunted on his resignation.
The former Minister of Freedom, David Blunted, who was forced into resigning his post by the machinations of a scheming ex-lover who took advantage of his emotional vulnerability, may soon return to the Cabinet transfigured and glorified in the radiance of holy benignity, officials said today.
Mr Blunted's public reputation as a tyrannical bigot with the sex appeal of a Customs and Excise rubber-glove search was belied by the revelation of his affair with the wife of another man.
"The Prime Minister's Christian faith and burning moral conviction moved him to forgive Mr Blunted as quickly as possible and invite him back into the Government as expeditiously as possible," said Downing Street spokesperson Bedham Lovchylde.
Mr Blunted has spent his weeks in the wilderness dictating his memoirs and defending British history from its fashionable detractors. "For decades we have been forced to apologise for our achievements," he wrote recently. "It has even become fashionable to decry colonial architecture, to mock at pith helmets."
Mr Blunted was particularly concerned at the way in which schoolchildren were encouraged to see early modern Britain as an aggressive, imperialistic, slave-trading nation. "Barely a mention is made, if any, of the way in which the British entrepreneurial spirit helped make peace a reality among warring African tribes through the introduction of radical overseas work schemes as early as the sixteenth century," he wrote.
"The logical conclusion of such reasoning is that all British institutions are entirely worthless and immoral," he continued. "Do not be surprised if, in the very near future, such people are found agitating for the repeal of habeas corpus and the tearing up of Magna Carta."
Asked today about his likely return to power, Mr Blunted refused to comment, except to say that if he were needed he would be happy to step in and repair any damage done by the present Minister of Freedom, Chas Cluck, who replaced Mr Blunted on his resignation.
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