The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

News 2020

All the fun of the future without the pain of living there

The Chancellor has kicked off the voting season for the Treasury team by giving a rousing pep talk on the economy to assembled industrial leaders and wealth creators at Hayek Hall in Westminster.

In his speech he accused the opposition of trying to steal the NuLabLib coalition's clothes as "the party of fiscal prudence, free markets and asylum seeker deportation".

Conservative plans to solve the country's education problems by sacking 140,000 teachers and using the money saved to cut taxes so that parents could buy education vouchers were, the Chancellor said, "a typically half-hearted attempt to emulate Government policy while seeming to oppose it."

The opposition knew that Government policies were the only sensible ones, said the Chancellor. "The political and economic consensus which obtains at this point in British politics is a clear indication of the correctitude of taking Britain forward with a steady hand in the Exchequer, as we have done for the past quarter century," he concluded.

The Conservatives reacted with derision to the speech. Boris Johnson said the idea of stealing NuLibLab's clothes was "almost pornographically absurd" and that the Chancellor was "a bag of rancid pork scratchings with a boring hairstyle."

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