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Anticipated aquatic nonabundances in the western world could be as significant a boost for the British economy as global warming may one day prove to be for the Cornish wine trade, leading experts have concluded.
Commissioned by the Bournemouth-based utility company, Sub-Sahara Water and Gunnery (SWAG), the report draws precedents from recent ventures in Africa, which has always manifested a high degree of water retail opportunity.
"It's all a matter of taking the proper attitude," said report co-author Muttley Pringle today. "The old-fashioned, big-government, crypto-socialist way of describing this kind of event would be to call it a shortage, or even a drought. What we've tried to do is get beyond the negativity and down to the underlying essentials."
Mr Pringle continued, "In today's global climate, we believe that more positivity is not only called for, but necessary, and we believe that Sub-Sahara are the people to provide that positivity."
Sub-Sahara Water was originally set up under the auspices of the Overseas Development Secretary, Claire Kurtz, to provide aquatic consumer outlets in Ghana and other African countries.
After the initiative encountered extensive customer resistance from the economically untrained natives, Sub-Sahara Water branched out into the defence field so as to solidify consumer loyalty among those wealthy enough to afford its drinking water.
"In times of retail opportunity such as this, one often encounters people who wish to advantagise themselves of your product by forcible means," Mr Pringle explained. "We've found that aiding large customers in protecting their investment can lead to highly productive relational fructification."
Department of Trade and Outsourcing spokesperson Myra Snook has welcomed the report. "Although the consequences for Britain of meteorological flexibilitisation are as yet unclear, the SWAG report is an excellent antidote to fashionable nay-saying on the subject," she said.
Anticipated aquatic nonabundances in the western world could be as significant a boost for the British economy as global warming may one day prove to be for the Cornish wine trade, leading experts have concluded.
Commissioned by the Bournemouth-based utility company, Sub-Sahara Water and Gunnery (SWAG), the report draws precedents from recent ventures in Africa, which has always manifested a high degree of water retail opportunity.
"It's all a matter of taking the proper attitude," said report co-author Muttley Pringle today. "The old-fashioned, big-government, crypto-socialist way of describing this kind of event would be to call it a shortage, or even a drought. What we've tried to do is get beyond the negativity and down to the underlying essentials."
Mr Pringle continued, "In today's global climate, we believe that more positivity is not only called for, but necessary, and we believe that Sub-Sahara are the people to provide that positivity."
Sub-Sahara Water was originally set up under the auspices of the Overseas Development Secretary, Claire Kurtz, to provide aquatic consumer outlets in Ghana and other African countries.
After the initiative encountered extensive customer resistance from the economically untrained natives, Sub-Sahara Water branched out into the defence field so as to solidify consumer loyalty among those wealthy enough to afford its drinking water.
"In times of retail opportunity such as this, one often encounters people who wish to advantagise themselves of your product by forcible means," Mr Pringle explained. "We've found that aiding large customers in protecting their investment can lead to highly productive relational fructification."
Department of Trade and Outsourcing spokesperson Myra Snook has welcomed the report. "Although the consequences for Britain of meteorological flexibilitisation are as yet unclear, the SWAG report is an excellent antidote to fashionable nay-saying on the subject," she said.
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