The Curmudgeon


Saturday, February 12, 2005

News 2020

Putting the wind up the first draft of history

The administration of the late George W Bush may have indirectly contributed to the present fuel shortage, a shock new Pentagon report implies.

President Bush's administration was much criticised at the time for being overly idealistic in attempting to instil Western values in alien or primitive cultures, but in recent years the Homeland Security Acts against disseminating terrorist propaganda have allowed a less harsh perspective to emerge.

However, the Pentagon report says that Mr Bush's enthusiasm for shedding the daylight of democracy upon benighted lands may inadvertently have harmed America's ability to weather future problems such as those which are presently emerging.

Ironically, the civilising mission for which Mr Bush is most criticised in the report is the one in the Middle East- a region which until recently held the largest remaining oil reserves on the planet.

"It is possible that, if previous administrations had placed less emphasis on the well-being of non-Americans, and had instead concentrated more resources upon the acquisition of the region's crude oil reserves, the United States might have been better placed to deal with current energy difficulties," the report says.

The present Commander-in-Chief has made no comment on the report, although White House press spokesperson Buzz Clampett was anxious to defuse media speculation about a possible forthcoming peak in oil production.

"As is well known, oil production has been in a state of negative additionality for a period of more than ten years," Mr Clampett said. "It seems rather odd to complain of fuel shortages and at the same time claim that production is peaking."

The present fuel and energy problems were due largely to the shortage of energy caused by lack of fuel, Mr Clampett said. "Delays in exploiting new opportunities have arisen from big-government interference in the activities of oil companies," he added. "Also, the overindustrialisation of China by the Chinese government is a cause of considerable concern with regard to China's persistently energy-consuming and inscrutabilitising activities."

Asked directly about the Pentagon report, Mr Clampett said that both he, the Commander-in-Chief and the entire White House staff were "morally certain" that no insult to a great man's memory was intended.

He also warned reporters against the so-called "fossil fuel fallacy", namely the fallacious and crypto-evolutionist idea that crude oil is a limited resource resulting from a purely mechanical process of biological decay. "God will provide," he concluded, to the press corps' independent and subtly nuanced applause.


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