The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, February 11, 2005

News 2020

Three times winner of the Guardian Media Group Award for Nuance

The Ministry of Freedom has expressed concern over whether the British people are sufficiently grateful for the liberties which remain to them.

"There is such a fashion these days for criticising those in authority that many people seem to forget they live in one of the world's most free and liberal societies," said Ministry spokesman Howard Tebbit.

Irresponsible comments by members of the public could easily result in the destruction of the very liberties of which such comments were taking thoughtless advantage, Mr Tebbit continued.

"It is precisely to forestall these dangers to British democracy that the Government may occasionally be reluctantly forced to place certain slight restrictions on various minority extremes," he said.

Mr Tebbit was responding to criticism of the Government by the leader of the Opposition, Boris Johnson, who said that too few Britons appreciated the society they lived in.

"Disapproval of something or other is expressed virtually every day," Mr Johnson said. "Everything from our glorious history to our virtuous and dignified royal family - the whole great heritage of all English-speakers - is fair game for the wolf-whistles of scapegoating catcallers."

Mr Tebbit did not comment on whether any new measures are planned to combat the growing crisis, but it is thought that the Prime Minister favours a more aggressive approach in the early stages of education, with daily "citizen's pride" assemblies in schools.

As to the media, whose cynical and flippant attitude has often been blamed for the modern "culture of blame" in politics, one possibility might be to pass into law the present informal arrangement whereby anyone criticising the Government expends a reasonable quantity of space and/or time giving a simple and sincere expression of gratitude for the incomparable nature and achievements of British democracy.

However, Mr Johnson, as a former newspaper editor, put forth a more hardline view. "An expression of gratitude, however sincere, cannot compensate for the insidious effect of disruptive opinionatising, nor can it substitute for good old-fashioned love of country," he said.

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