News 2020
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Peacekeeping forces in the Middle East will be among the first to benefit from the new defunct personnel unit homeland delivery receptacles, military sources said today.
The receptacles will replace the so-called "body bags" in which insurgentally detrimented personnel have hitherto been shipped home to the traditional quiet unpublicised heroes' welcome.
According to Halliburton Plastics media liaison executive Waylon Chickenburger III, the receptacles are also 40% biodegradable, with self-assembly light cardboard coffinising fittings and self-unfurling flag of the country of the combatant's origin and/or paymaster.
"The coffinising attachment can be utilised by an act of minor manual haulage on a particular string, whereupon the various components emerge and automatically interlock into self-assembly oriented activity," Mr Chickenburger said at a special demonstration for journalists.
"The flag will disunfurlate itself once the coffinising procedure has undergone completion," Mr Chickenburger said.
Each receptacle also comes complete with an audio device which will play back recordings of the appropriate national anthem and quadrophonically-rendered rifle fire for military salutes.
Halliburton Plastics, which has been awarded sole manufacturing rights under the Compassionate Contracting statutes, says that the new receptacles are twice as odour-proof and almost ten times as photogenic as the "body bags", which cannot be shown on prime-time news broadcasts in case of consumer upset.
"Halliburton is proud to have made this humble contribution to the ever more comprehensive media coverage of our war for truth and niceness," Mr Chickenburger concluded.
Peacekeeping forces in the Middle East will be among the first to benefit from the new defunct personnel unit homeland delivery receptacles, military sources said today.
The receptacles will replace the so-called "body bags" in which insurgentally detrimented personnel have hitherto been shipped home to the traditional quiet unpublicised heroes' welcome.
According to Halliburton Plastics media liaison executive Waylon Chickenburger III, the receptacles are also 40% biodegradable, with self-assembly light cardboard coffinising fittings and self-unfurling flag of the country of the combatant's origin and/or paymaster.
"The coffinising attachment can be utilised by an act of minor manual haulage on a particular string, whereupon the various components emerge and automatically interlock into self-assembly oriented activity," Mr Chickenburger said at a special demonstration for journalists.
"The flag will disunfurlate itself once the coffinising procedure has undergone completion," Mr Chickenburger said.
Each receptacle also comes complete with an audio device which will play back recordings of the appropriate national anthem and quadrophonically-rendered rifle fire for military salutes.
Halliburton Plastics, which has been awarded sole manufacturing rights under the Compassionate Contracting statutes, says that the new receptacles are twice as odour-proof and almost ten times as photogenic as the "body bags", which cannot be shown on prime-time news broadcasts in case of consumer upset.
"Halliburton is proud to have made this humble contribution to the ever more comprehensive media coverage of our war for truth and niceness," Mr Chickenburger concluded.
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