The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, February 04, 2005

News 2020

It isn't true yet, but it will be

The British genius for self-deprecation may finally have gone too far, according to Minister for Middle England Ellie Citon-Burchell. In a forthright address to the Blair-Brown Foundation for the Preservation of the British Sense of Humour, the Minister hinted that the Home Office may be preparing legislation to ensure that the country's heritage of fun is not hijacked by extremists.

"Increased public safety via seven separate identity card schemes; a national transport system that runs at least part of the time in almost every part of London; a health service that delivers quality healthcare while helping the national economy - all have fallen victim to a new, debased, so-called sense of humour," the Minister said.

"It has become fashionable in recent years to use this so-called humour as an excuse to sneer at some of this country's greatest achievements," Mrs Citon-Burchell said. "There are even some - not all of them even so-called humorists - who imply that the British Empire itself is somehow a thing of the past."

But Mrs Citon-Burchell reserved her most condemnatory remarks for those who "by sneering at our country's history, at our special relationship with the United States, and above all at our war to eliminate, once and for all, ultimate nastiness from the world, are guilty of nothing less than seeking to undermine the Government in time of war."

Although already somewhat restricted thanks to the laws against incitement to religious hatred; against incitement to commit acts of terrorism; against incitement to general evil; against reporting of news in a manner likely to cause alarm and despondency over breakfast; and against looking at an officer of the law in a funny way, "free speech in this country is neither an absolute to be used irresponsibly, nor a birthright to be frittered away," said Mrs Citon-Burchell.

"Free speech is a resource to be used for the general good in accordance with the guidelines laid down by the lawfully elected government," she concluded.

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