The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

News 2020

It isn't true yet, but it will be

Game show producers FoxFun Ltd have announced a new reality television programme which could hit British screens as early as this autumn.

FoxFun have been behind many of the most successful game shows on television, including last year's mega-rated hit Social Darwinism, in which a dozen randomly-chosen contestants are locked up in a small room until one of them has won.

The new show, provisionally titled Moral Courage, will feature a variety of situations in which contestants will be instructed by the host to inflict pain in return for prize money. The "victims" will be volunteers from problematic social groups, including prisoners, pensioners, welfare cheats and single mothers.

FoxFun is a subsidiary of a company which is owned by a corporation which has what spokespersons describe as "a friendly working relationship" with several perpetrator restraint and moral reclamation firms. Carefully screened residents of selected establishments will be given time off their sentences in return for appearance on the show - an initiative already applauded by the Ministry of Freedom.

"It's just that sort of deft combination of compassion and practicality that the Government has always tried to practice in places like Africa and Brixton," said junior minister Brindley Flacker about the FoxFun proposals.

"Obviously, the recipients of the non-positive neuronic stimulation will be selected with the greatest possible care," said producer Marglim Stanley.

"Social surveys have repeatedly shown that large-scale fraudsters and embezzlers rarely benefit from physical punishment or long periods of confinement under harsh conditions," said Mr Stanley. "In a way that's a handicap, since audiences like to see rich guys suffering. But we prefer to think of it as a challenge, as an opportunity to display some moral courage ourselves and show viewers those welfare moms getting what's coming to them."

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