The Curmudgeon


Saturday, January 29, 2005

News 2020

Easily digestible facts for the modern news consumer

All of Britain's major political parties, and the Conservatives, have denied that Britain is becoming a police state, thus settling the matter beyond all possible question.

A very elderly retired policeman who is believed to be suffering from the effects of old age and is somewhat superannuated and has a couple of budgerigars had spoken of his "unease" at the extent of Britain's anti-terror laws during the weekend.

The Prime Minister was quick to refute the charge that too much power was now concentrated in the hands of the Government. "Britain has one of the longest traditions of freedom and democracy in the world," he said. "The idea that Britain could ever be a police state is as ridiculous as the suggestion that she could lose her independence to a former colony."

The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, agreed that Britons would always be free and that the law must inevitably facilitate the liberatory endowment of British subjects, but condemned the Government for its "slackening" of police recruitment procedures and for attempting to erode British sovereignty by failing to opt out of enough clauses in the country's various treaties with Europe.

The leader of the British Exit Europe Party, Robert Kilroy-Silk, said that civilisation itself would collapse if Britons lost their liberty, but that civilisation was indeed "in a process of radical decline" owing to the "suffocating effects of political correctness".

The retired and possibly senile policeman who made the original claim about Britain's becoming a police state is being administered special medical help. Doctors refused to comment on whether the patient had been diagnosed with political paranoia, but said that everything possible would be done to prevent his harming others.


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