The Curmudgeon


Monday, January 17, 2005

News 2020

A future so foul it's practically inevitable

The number of teenage pregnancies in Britain rose again this month, prompting the leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, to call for more American-style curbs on sex education in the home.

Under the US system, children are subject to random interrogation on sexual subjects by the FBI, who are empowered to arrest the parents of any who show less than the requisite degree of ignorance.

"It should be obvious even to the present government that the scourge of excessive sex education is causing more and more irresponsibility among under-sixteens and may eventually result in the collapse of civilisation," Mr Johnson said.

Sex education has been illegal for British under-sixteens for the past four years. Prior to that, it was illegal only when carried out in school without adequate supervision by a medical inspector, a vicar from at least one wing of the Church of England, and a member in good standing of the public morality association Niceness Against the Sexual Tarnishing of Youth.

Mr Johnson advocated a system more like the one operating in the USA, where students are given no training in biology at all unless they plan to take up a career in the biochemical deterrence industry. Such a system would "both save on education costs and continue to ensure Britain's place as an independent major world power at the heart of Europe and points west," Mr Johnson said.

The Home Secretary said today that almost all sex education is now carried out in the home by parents or guardians. "Such unauthorised pedagogical activities by untrained personnel are a source of major concern to the Government," he said.

The Shadow Home Secretary, Gideon Pantonsil, asked whether the Government planned to introduce US-style measures to prevent such activities, or whether it was prepared "to let this country become just another moral cesspool, like France."


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