The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

News 2020

When it eventually happens, remember you read it here first

The Tube may soon be forced to raise fares in order to pay the cost of its buskers, London Underground said today.

All buskers on the Tube must be in receipt of corporate sponsorship and pay a portion of their earnings towards London Underground's executive maintenance costs; but this is not enough to offset the growing cost of keeping the train service running, a spokesperson said.

"The tunnels are quite old now," said LU executive Celeborn Drubber. "The vibration effects from the music that is being played are having a potentially serious effect on the structure."

Busking on the Tube without corporate sponsorship has been illegal for over a decade and a half, as the music was found to interfere with passengers' comfort and the meditative quiet for which the Underground is famous across the world.

Four years ago the Home Secretary introduced the penalty of a hundred-pound fine and summary removal of the premolars for unlicensed musicality in a built-up area, which according to Government statistics has done much to obviate the menace.

Corporate sponsorship of busking spaces has been thriving for many years, and enables professional musicians who may have been affected by the economic nonviability of opera houses and symphony orchestras to earn part of a decent living.

"Sponsorship of musicality-oriented locations on the Tube is very generous, but we can't ask commercial organisations to give money for such things as tunnel maintenance, or even sandbags," Mr Drubber said. "Very few significant employees of commercial organisations even use the Tube, remember; and if the whole thing collapses there'll be reconstruction contracts. You can see their point of view," said Mr Drubber.

Fares will be upgraded to whatever seems necessary at the usual six-monthly interval, the London Underground statement concluded.

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