The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

News 2020

Putting the wind up the first draft of history

The Democratic Republic of Baghdad today held the first fairly free elections in the region for some considerable time, despite the state of emergency and the terrorist actions of insurgents.

Almost half the city's population turned out to vote under the new Compulsory Freedom Acts, which were passed by the almost independent native government in order to counter the political apathy resulting from the years of oppression which preceded this century's unprecedented liberatisations.

US troops and native police were on hand to protect voters as they moved to the polling stations and cast their votes for a wide variety of candidates who will represent them in the interim constitutional discussions by voting for the 275 National Representatives who will lay the basis for a full constitution which will determine the way in which future elections take place.

A few problems have arisen owing to Iraqis' ignorance of democratic culture and the widespread shortage of upright walls on which to post leaflets, but the US ambassador, Claiborne F Minuteman, said today that the elections had gone "extremely well."

The British Prime Minister also acclaimed the results as "inspiring" and said he was confident that, whatever the problems, the Iraqi people had been given plenty of opportunity to make the right decision.

He also responded to critics who have raised doubts about the wisdom of holding the elections while the terrorist insurgency is still giving rise to acts of insurgent terrorism. The run-up to the election has been one of the bloodiest periods of the liberation, with an average of three coalition personnel being killed each day despite frequent bombing raids and other anti-carcinogenic measures.

"These elections are an important stage in finishing the job we set out to do in the region," the Prime Minister said. "The sooner Iraqis get used to exercising the human rights we have bestowed upon them, the sooner the troops can come home."

Asked whether a withdrawal was being planned, the Prime Minister said, "These elections are certainly an encouraging sign that we won't always have to be there to walk the natives through the democratic process."

Both the Prime Minister and the US Commander-in-Chief have said that troops will be withdrawn instantly at the considered request of any genuinely legitimate Iraqi government. However, the Commander-in-Chief said last week that he did not anticipate any such request. "There's still plenty of good we can do over there, and I think the moderates know that," he said.

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