The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

News 2020

Easily digestible facts for the modern news consumer

Three members of the US targeted disposal service will stand trial at some point in the future for alleged breaches of conduct during the war against unpleasantness in Iraq, the American Department of Defence has announced.

The three accused men, who are all natives of the region, will be tried before a secret military court in the Democratic Republic of Baghdad so that they can be kept anonymous and safe from terrorist retribution. No details of their alleged breaches of conduct have been provided in the relevant Pentagon fact sheets.

Members of the targeted disposal service are also known as Slavebridge units after the service's founder, John Slavebridge. The elite tactical units were originally formed during the cold war in El Salvador, when a peasant insurgency threatened to overthrow the government and launch a massive Nicaraguan- and Soviet-backed invasion of the United States.

The Slavebridge units were used to target and eliminate insurgents and their sympathisers, but drew criticism after some rotten apples tangentially connected with the service mistook some American nuns for communist insurgents and initiated a premature and excessively pro-active military solution.

The new scandal in Iraq will do little to help the reputation of the Slavebridge units and may provide the terrorist insurgents with further propaganda material with which to sway a population whose hearts and minds are proving highly resistant to democracy, thanks to the rigid traditionalism common in the region and the violent and intimidatory tactics of the insurgent terrorists.

Slavebridge units are usually equipped with the latest weaponry and equipment, and are generally able to call down airstrikes if they detect an insurgent rat's-nest in a building too large for a single squad to cope with. This occurs quite frequently, as the insurgents generally favour buildings such as hospitals and radio stations, which are protected by the Geneva Conventions and hence are sitting targets for unscrupulous use by cancerous insurgent cells.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home