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British research psychiatrists have discovered another new strain of the mental illness paranoia civilis, the Ministry of Incapacity Prevention announced today.
Political paranoia, as it is known to laymen, has long been the only recognised form of mental illness in the United States, but its incidence in this country has so far been limited thanks to the Government's strict quarantine regulations, known to laymen as the Freedom of Information Act.
Ever since the disease was first discovered more than ten years ago, psychological researchers have isolated new variations on almost a monthly basis. Although there is considerable debate within the profession as to what constitutes an instance of the disease, experts are largely agreed as to the threat it poses.
The newly discovered condition, which has been tentatively labelled suecicophilia, is a variant of political paranoia in which the victims not only develop a morbid hatred of their own country, but as a kind of compensation mechanism begin to entertain utopian fantasies about other countries.
"Patients who develop this condition tend to compare Britain unfavourably with places like Scandinavia," said psychiatrist Dr Milburn Quincher. "They think of trees, lakes, mermaids, herring and so forth, and then they associate it all with a welfare state mentality which is quite incompatible with Britain's obligations to the world."
The medical profession has come under attack from some quarters for its attention to such symptoms. "Treason is not a disease but a crime, and traitors should be hanged, not given treatment by our already overstretched readjustment services," said a Sunday Sycophant editorial recently. But the government has not given up hope that a compassionate approach may be best in the long run.
"Doctors can argue all day long as to whether an irrational hatred of identity cards is a case of political paranoia or simple papyrophobia," said health minister Bilharzia Fison. "What matters is that the public be protected from these maniacs, who at any moment may slice us up in our beds, as often used to happen when schizophrenics were allowed to walk around loose; and also that such unstable elements be protected from themselves as much as budgetary constraints permit."
British research psychiatrists have discovered another new strain of the mental illness paranoia civilis, the Ministry of Incapacity Prevention announced today.
Political paranoia, as it is known to laymen, has long been the only recognised form of mental illness in the United States, but its incidence in this country has so far been limited thanks to the Government's strict quarantine regulations, known to laymen as the Freedom of Information Act.
Ever since the disease was first discovered more than ten years ago, psychological researchers have isolated new variations on almost a monthly basis. Although there is considerable debate within the profession as to what constitutes an instance of the disease, experts are largely agreed as to the threat it poses.
The newly discovered condition, which has been tentatively labelled suecicophilia, is a variant of political paranoia in which the victims not only develop a morbid hatred of their own country, but as a kind of compensation mechanism begin to entertain utopian fantasies about other countries.
"Patients who develop this condition tend to compare Britain unfavourably with places like Scandinavia," said psychiatrist Dr Milburn Quincher. "They think of trees, lakes, mermaids, herring and so forth, and then they associate it all with a welfare state mentality which is quite incompatible with Britain's obligations to the world."
The medical profession has come under attack from some quarters for its attention to such symptoms. "Treason is not a disease but a crime, and traitors should be hanged, not given treatment by our already overstretched readjustment services," said a Sunday Sycophant editorial recently. But the government has not given up hope that a compassionate approach may be best in the long run.
"Doctors can argue all day long as to whether an irrational hatred of identity cards is a case of political paranoia or simple papyrophobia," said health minister Bilharzia Fison. "What matters is that the public be protected from these maniacs, who at any moment may slice us up in our beds, as often used to happen when schizophrenics were allowed to walk around loose; and also that such unstable elements be protected from themselves as much as budgetary constraints permit."
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