News 2020
Balanced news from right on the fence
The popular entertainment chain Splattercade has announced that it will return a hundred and fifty million dollars invested in it by the New Democrat Association, a group of self-styled moderate dissenters in the US political system.
The NDA, which consists of business and military personnel from all walks of American life, agrees with all the goals of the present administration, but has expressed reservations about their achievability and the effectiveness of some of the methods used.
"We are emphatically not a political party," said NDA spokesperson Clinton Hillary yesterday. "There have been no petty political squabbles in this great country of ours since the Homeland Constitution abolished disunity in the face of terror, and that is something for all Americans and all lovers of freedom to be proud of."
Nevertheless, the NDA has occasionally risked stepping over the bounds of legality, as when one of its members accused the present Commander-in-Chief of not doing enough to help Israel against the antisemitic terrorist enemies which surround the tiny beleaguered country - the only democracy in the Middle East - on all sides and have threatened to sweep the Jewish race into the sea.
As a result of the ensuing controversy, the NDA revoked the speaker's membership and formally apologised to the White House and to the TV network which carried the interview. Nevertheless, the NDA's reputation for supporting high-tax, big-government liberalism remains one of the major obstacles to the association's merger with the ruling Homeland Administration.
Splattercade, which runs a chain of shooting arcades where patrons can gun down life-size "suicide bombers", will not accept future investment from the association and does not wish to be "an instrument of profit for the National Democrat Association," said Splattercade manager Stubley Bimmel today.
"This is not a political move," said Mr Bimmel. "Splattercade is a business organisation devoted to providing fun entertainment which has nothing to do with politics. However, this does not mean we try to evade our moral responsibility to refuse to accept funding from persons or groups of persons whose position we find abhorrent."
The popular entertainment chain Splattercade has announced that it will return a hundred and fifty million dollars invested in it by the New Democrat Association, a group of self-styled moderate dissenters in the US political system.
The NDA, which consists of business and military personnel from all walks of American life, agrees with all the goals of the present administration, but has expressed reservations about their achievability and the effectiveness of some of the methods used.
"We are emphatically not a political party," said NDA spokesperson Clinton Hillary yesterday. "There have been no petty political squabbles in this great country of ours since the Homeland Constitution abolished disunity in the face of terror, and that is something for all Americans and all lovers of freedom to be proud of."
Nevertheless, the NDA has occasionally risked stepping over the bounds of legality, as when one of its members accused the present Commander-in-Chief of not doing enough to help Israel against the antisemitic terrorist enemies which surround the tiny beleaguered country - the only democracy in the Middle East - on all sides and have threatened to sweep the Jewish race into the sea.
As a result of the ensuing controversy, the NDA revoked the speaker's membership and formally apologised to the White House and to the TV network which carried the interview. Nevertheless, the NDA's reputation for supporting high-tax, big-government liberalism remains one of the major obstacles to the association's merger with the ruling Homeland Administration.
Splattercade, which runs a chain of shooting arcades where patrons can gun down life-size "suicide bombers", will not accept future investment from the association and does not wish to be "an instrument of profit for the National Democrat Association," said Splattercade manager Stubley Bimmel today.
"This is not a political move," said Mr Bimmel. "Splattercade is a business organisation devoted to providing fun entertainment which has nothing to do with politics. However, this does not mean we try to evade our moral responsibility to refuse to accept funding from persons or groups of persons whose position we find abhorrent."
2 Comments:
At 10:13 am ,
Raoul Djukanovic said...
how dare you debase your staff by requiring them to place defanged "suicide bombers" in quotation marks when a simple homicide bomber does the same job with one less character, with the added bonus of making no sense whatsoever?
i demand a refund. your article caused me to hit the wrong button and execute a malefficacial confobulication of inadvisable trades. my lawyers will be seeking portfolio damages. good day to you, "sir".
At 5:04 pm ,
Philip said...
Thank you for your polysyllabic demicoherent communucatoid. The term suicide bombers was placed in quotation marks in this context because Splattercade is as yet unable to offer its customers the prospect of offing real suicide bombers, and therefore is forced to supply digitally animated 3-D mannequins in their stead. If any juvenile purchasing units are inspired by the entertainment to wish for a more realistic experience, they have only to wait for their call-up papers. As to the quotation marks themselves, there was a time when we were able to use inverted commas, but these are now illegal in many parts of the free world and much of Great Britain owing to their homosexual connotations.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home