News 2020
News so new it hasn't happened yet
The Government will introduce a new Mental Health Bill in an attempt to control the number of loners and other miseries on Britain's streets, the Department of Health has revealed.
Studies show that persons with depressed personalities tend to be more discontented with life as they find it. In times of instability and terrorist threat, such discontentment can prove dangerous, particularly if it becomes translated into action, the Government said.
"They often feel resentment against society, or even against the Government itself," said psychiatrist Dr Theophilus Clenchwater. "Such people tend to feel that they are not in charge of their own lives, that unknown, impersonal forces are ready to crush them at any opportunity, or even that the world is in danger of being destroyed altogether."
Until now, the Government has sought to control such delusions simply by closing libraries and increasing working hours to enforce an atmosphere of social inclusivity. However, the recent attempt by a paranoid schizophrenic to perform invasive surgery on the Minister for Public Morals has given rise to concern that more stringent measures are required.
The new Bill will give health trusts discretionary powers to detain people who are on their own too much or whose unhappiness exceeds the national average as determined by the Home Office's league tables.
Pharmaceutical corporations have greeted the Government's announcement as a welcome enhancement of their opportunities to make the world a happier place. "This is a natural and logical extension of our new freedom to explore the health marketplace in quest of ever more extensive customer acquirement resource potentialities," said a spokesperson from drug company SKG Health and Strength.
No announcement has been made as to whether those detained under the new Mental Health Act will be subject to discretionary imposition of their rights under the Voluntary Euthanasia Act, as paranoid schizophrenics and chronic personality disorders are at present.
The Government will introduce a new Mental Health Bill in an attempt to control the number of loners and other miseries on Britain's streets, the Department of Health has revealed.
Studies show that persons with depressed personalities tend to be more discontented with life as they find it. In times of instability and terrorist threat, such discontentment can prove dangerous, particularly if it becomes translated into action, the Government said.
"They often feel resentment against society, or even against the Government itself," said psychiatrist Dr Theophilus Clenchwater. "Such people tend to feel that they are not in charge of their own lives, that unknown, impersonal forces are ready to crush them at any opportunity, or even that the world is in danger of being destroyed altogether."
Until now, the Government has sought to control such delusions simply by closing libraries and increasing working hours to enforce an atmosphere of social inclusivity. However, the recent attempt by a paranoid schizophrenic to perform invasive surgery on the Minister for Public Morals has given rise to concern that more stringent measures are required.
The new Bill will give health trusts discretionary powers to detain people who are on their own too much or whose unhappiness exceeds the national average as determined by the Home Office's league tables.
Pharmaceutical corporations have greeted the Government's announcement as a welcome enhancement of their opportunities to make the world a happier place. "This is a natural and logical extension of our new freedom to explore the health marketplace in quest of ever more extensive customer acquirement resource potentialities," said a spokesperson from drug company SKG Health and Strength.
No announcement has been made as to whether those detained under the new Mental Health Act will be subject to discretionary imposition of their rights under the Voluntary Euthanasia Act, as paranoid schizophrenics and chronic personality disorders are at present.
1 Comments:
At 9:20 pm ,
Raoul Djukanovic said...
Dear Sir,
We are onto you.
Resistance is futile.
Never surrender,
The Human League
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