The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, November 29, 2004

News 2020

Five times winner of the BBC Award for Nautical Non-Destabilisation

The President of the Democratic Republic of Baghdad, whose identity cannot be revealed for security reasons, has issued a determined statement emphasising the need to avoid giving in to terrorism. "That is exactly what the terrorists want us to do," the President said.

The strongly-worded statement, delivered in English with Arabic subtitles, went out on all moderate channels of Arabic TV and radio, and is thought to signal a new determined stance by the President in the war against unpleasantness.

"Everything about him shows he's sincere in this," said respected political commentator and ex-BBC director-general Andrew Marr, whose clairvoyant abilities are well known.

"That forthright manner of looking straight into the camera as he speaks indicates his honesty and determination. The hands calmly folded in the desk in front of him show that his palms are far less greasy than his enemies claim. His neatly-cut hair and lack of public child-eating indicate a man of methodical and compassionate temperament who is genuinely trying to do his best for his people," said Mr Marr.

In the West, the US Commander-in-Chief and the British Prime Minister welcomed the President's announcement. "There will certainly be no giving in to terrorists," said the Commander-in-Chief. "Our forces over there are at Baghdad's disposal. If Baghdad doesn't want our forces over there to give in to terrorism, then giving in to terrorism is just what our forces over there won't do."

The Prime Minister said that the President had shown himself a courageous and far-sighted statesman, and that he hoped the President would one day be able to leave Baghdad and be reunited with his family in Washington. The President spent many years in exile in the United States, working day and night with compassionately-conservative oil companies for the liberation of his country.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home