News 2020
Putting the wind up the first draft of history
The pharmaceutical corporation SKG Health and Strength has entered the latest phase of its campaign to copyright various sounds of digestive discomfort as used in its advertising campaigns.
SKG advertisements use authentic noises of rumbling stomachs, gurgling ulcers and ascending gastric juices to emphasise the effects of their range of indigestion-soothing products. The corporation is seeking an injunction under US patent law, which is held by the US to apply without qualification in all spatial and temporal dimensions of the universe known and unknown.
The injunction would prohibit "all public belching, rumbling, gurgling or other sonic phenomena of a gastro-traumatic nature" unless the offender provided "due acknowledgement that such phenomena could be mitigatised by the use according to instructions of the relevant SKG Health and Strength products".
The US Department of Health has praised the corporation for its sense of social responsibility. "In effect, what they're saying is: be healthy or we'll sue the ass off you," said spokesperson Rigby Morbus at a mineral water and dyspepsia pill conference for journalists.
"This could be the start of a whole new approachification to the hitherto problematising question of public health," Mr Morbus continued. "Instead of the old system, where the healthy subsidised the sick in a nightmarish atmosphere of big-government liberalisation, we may now be entering a new phase of genuine social justice whereby corporate global citizens and those human resources into which God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, has seen fit to put certain imperfections, can join hands and help one another."
The pharmaceutical corporation SKG Health and Strength has entered the latest phase of its campaign to copyright various sounds of digestive discomfort as used in its advertising campaigns.
SKG advertisements use authentic noises of rumbling stomachs, gurgling ulcers and ascending gastric juices to emphasise the effects of their range of indigestion-soothing products. The corporation is seeking an injunction under US patent law, which is held by the US to apply without qualification in all spatial and temporal dimensions of the universe known and unknown.
The injunction would prohibit "all public belching, rumbling, gurgling or other sonic phenomena of a gastro-traumatic nature" unless the offender provided "due acknowledgement that such phenomena could be mitigatised by the use according to instructions of the relevant SKG Health and Strength products".
The US Department of Health has praised the corporation for its sense of social responsibility. "In effect, what they're saying is: be healthy or we'll sue the ass off you," said spokesperson Rigby Morbus at a mineral water and dyspepsia pill conference for journalists.
"This could be the start of a whole new approachification to the hitherto problematising question of public health," Mr Morbus continued. "Instead of the old system, where the healthy subsidised the sick in a nightmarish atmosphere of big-government liberalisation, we may now be entering a new phase of genuine social justice whereby corporate global citizens and those human resources into which God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, has seen fit to put certain imperfections, can join hands and help one another."
1 Comments:
At 8:09 pm ,
Raoul Djukanovic said...
Consider yourself sued. Your lawyers will be hearing from us. Under no circumstances would we consider a collaboration with pharmacists whose drug supply lacks A. We have a monkey to feed after all, even if the Chimp is Dead.
Yours waiting for our man,
Juan Key
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