The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

News 2020

We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out differently due to inaccuracies in the present

Russia has called on the US and Britain to use "constructive engagement" more in their policy towards Iran. "Constructive engagement" as a policy had a brief vogue some years ago, and is still favoured by certain members of the European Union who view with suspicion the more dynamic policy preferred by Britain and its American partner.

The Iranian government in exile, which is thought to be operating from Russia, may have offered the Russian government concessions on Iran's remaining oil in return for putting in a good word at the United Nations, experts said. The Russian foreign minister, Boris Bezumniev, dismissed this analysis as "conspiracy theory".

Iran has substantial oil reserves, but extraction is difficult owing to the continuing insurgency by Islamic fanatics and foreign fighters from neighbouring Iraq. Although there are no British troops in Iran, the Prime Minister has said it may prove necessary to send "a few of the boys" along if Russia becomes militarily involved. Any British troops who were sent would be used purely in a peacekeeping role and would all be home for their birthdays, the Prime Minister said.

The US-led invasion of Iran, by American, Israeli and Uzbek troops, was undertaken to enforce international nuclear protocols after Iran attempted to develop nuclear weapons. The hardline Islamic government seems to have reasoned that the US would not attack a nuclear power, despite the fact that, at the time of the 2003 invasion of Iraq, nobody was in the slightest doubt that the dictator Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction poised to obliterate the free world.

"They seem to have applied a sort of crude version of the idea of deterrence," said veteran US diplomat Altair-Voyager Rice, whose memoirs are being spell-checked by lawyers for the estate of the late George W Bush. "They don't seem to have realised that having a nuclear deterrent is not at all the same thing as possessing weapons of mass destruction."

Despite suffering suspended democratisation on account of the insurgency, Iran was better off without the mad mullahs, Dr Rice said. "And the world is better off, too. That war has proved once and for all that no so-called nuclear deterrent is going to work in the wrong hands," she said.

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