The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

News 2020

News so new it hasn't happened yet

Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives

Israel is preparing to take measures to cut down the size of the remaining Palestinian reservations, it was reported today. The Israeli government is concerned about its human rights record, which has suffered because of conditions in the camps, where tens of thousands of Palestinians are living in overcrowded conditions.

A United Nations observation team recently criticised the administrators of Camp Ben-Gurion, Camp Shamir and Camp Sharon for the "inhuman" treatment of residents. The Israeli government has not yet responded to the charges.

In an effort to improve its human rights record, Israel plans to decrease the size of the camps. The liberal wing of the Labor party argues that this will simply increase the overcrowding and risk worsening Israel's reputation yet further, but the governing Likud party claims that "positive developments" will occur before any international outcry can take effect.

"If the camps are a problem for those concerned about human rights, we will lessen the problem by lessening the camps," the Israeli prime minister said this morning.

He reminded critics that residents of the camps were free to leave at any time if they disliked conditions there. "It follows, then, that those who remain in the camps are there because they like the camps. If they like the camps, they must like the conditions there. Since we are merely planning to intensify those conditions, they will presumably enjoy themselves all the more. We look forward to hearing of their gratitude."

Israel's occupation of the west bank of the Jordan and the Gaza strip, and some of its other actions in the region, are considered illegal by the 197-nation General Assembly of the UN, but Israel and the international community dispute this.

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