The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

News 2020

All the breaking news - fifteen years before events come together

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The United States has confirmed that nuclear weapons have been installed at the research base at New Texas on Mars. Few details were given, but it is believed that the stockpile includes 108 warheads, mounted on Skywalker interplanetary missiles.

The Prime Minister welcomed the announcement as "a significant contribution towards world peace, and the first real vindication of the RNPT". The Revised Nuclear Proliferation Treaty, to which Britain is a signatory, allows limited nuclear stockpiles in orbit and on the Moon and Mars, although in order to enable countries to retain flexibility in their defences, no actual limits are specified in the treaty.

The new safety-enhancing measures in the RNPT have also enabled western governments to sell nuclear weapons technology to India, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Chile, Brazil, South Africa, the Democratic Republic of Baghdad, and various multinational corporations whose identities are confidential under the Freedom of Information laws.

The missiles at New Texas are intended mainly as a counter-terrorism measure, the State Department said. It is not known how many of the base's 1,945 personnel are undercover terrorists, but it is believed that the 108 one-megaton warheads will be sufficient to deal with any emergency which may arise.

When asked whether the missiles would be used against targets on Earth, spokesman Milton Gumbo said that America stood ready to water the flower of freedom wherever it might choose to blossom. He added, "In case you've forgotten, mister, on 11 September 2001 America was attacked."

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