News 2020
News so new it hasn't happened yet
We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out differently due to inaccuracies in the present
Child obesity in Britain is still on the increase among the wealthier classes, but there have also been significant increases in the incidences of anorexia and bulimia. Added to the general malnutrition in many poorer areas, this means the underlying trend could be on the way down for the first time in almost two decades.
Antonia Globule-Maltravers of the Ministry of Ingestion said today, "These figures prove the correctness of the Government's PTI initiative, and we look forward to seeing further improvements in the future." The Paediatric Tonnage Initiative is the scheme whereby the Ministry of Ingestion pays private corporations to provide children and young people with slender, willowy and physically attractive role models by means of entertainment outlets and pervasive advertising.
Ms Maltravers admitted that the Government had hoped for a larger impact on the children of wealthier parents, at whom much of PTI's creative resources were targeted. The figures show that, although there are marginally fewer obese children in these classes, the ones who do become obese are growing all the time.
"Of course we'd prefer it if more children were actually fit, rather than having the statistics dragged down by conditions in the slums," said Ms Maltravers. "But there is a limit to what the Government can do in these situations."
The Department of Health has given some consideration to a policy of "adipose redistribution", whereby fat could be surgically removed from obese bodies and then transplanted into the bodies of the under-nourished; but no viable scheme has yet been put forward whereby the under-nourished would be able to pay for the operation.
The British Exit Europe Party blamed the soaring juvenile tonnage problem on the "decades-long trend towards fatty foreign foods", and called for a return to a proper British diet of pat� de foie gras and champagne for people of good breeding, and hamburgers and cola for the rest.
We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out differently due to inaccuracies in the present
Child obesity in Britain is still on the increase among the wealthier classes, but there have also been significant increases in the incidences of anorexia and bulimia. Added to the general malnutrition in many poorer areas, this means the underlying trend could be on the way down for the first time in almost two decades.
Antonia Globule-Maltravers of the Ministry of Ingestion said today, "These figures prove the correctness of the Government's PTI initiative, and we look forward to seeing further improvements in the future." The Paediatric Tonnage Initiative is the scheme whereby the Ministry of Ingestion pays private corporations to provide children and young people with slender, willowy and physically attractive role models by means of entertainment outlets and pervasive advertising.
Ms Maltravers admitted that the Government had hoped for a larger impact on the children of wealthier parents, at whom much of PTI's creative resources were targeted. The figures show that, although there are marginally fewer obese children in these classes, the ones who do become obese are growing all the time.
"Of course we'd prefer it if more children were actually fit, rather than having the statistics dragged down by conditions in the slums," said Ms Maltravers. "But there is a limit to what the Government can do in these situations."
The Department of Health has given some consideration to a policy of "adipose redistribution", whereby fat could be surgically removed from obese bodies and then transplanted into the bodies of the under-nourished; but no viable scheme has yet been put forward whereby the under-nourished would be able to pay for the operation.
The British Exit Europe Party blamed the soaring juvenile tonnage problem on the "decades-long trend towards fatty foreign foods", and called for a return to a proper British diet of pat� de foie gras and champagne for people of good breeding, and hamburgers and cola for the rest.
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