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We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out differently due to inaccuracies in the present
Plans to introduce new combined home voting machines and water meters could go ahead within as little as two years, according to a Government statement released today. The Government has described the measure as "the most significant enhancement of British democracy since the introduction of universal suffrage". The machines will eliminate once and for all the tiresome business of drawing large crosses on pieces of paper. A number of studies have found that the resulting graphological stress has been largely responsible for the lowering of turnouts at recent general elections.
The so-called MMR machines (for Member and Moisture Registration) are manufactured by Diebechtel, the US company which revolutionised American democracy nearly twenty years ago. Units of water consumed are electronically logged and the record is automatically sent to the central computer at Diebechtel headquarters. Records are then processed and sent out electronically to the various companies which supply Britain's water.
During elections, candidates will be allotted individual numbers which voters will dial like telephone numbers on their MMR machines in order to register their vote. The votes will be sent automatically to the central computer at Diebechtel headquarters, where they will be processed and announced by a Diebechtel-sponsored Returning Officer.
The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, has raised objections to the fact that several radical and left-wing parties will be permitted as choices, as well as an option for "none of the above". Many such parties have no national presence and therefore should be denied a permanent "entry point" into people's lives through the machines, Mr Johnson said.
The Government has said that most such parties are included purely for statistical purposes, and Diebold has said that the danger of any of them actually gaining a seat is "so small as to be negligent."
The Government also hopes to gain insight into the correlation between voting habits and water use. Several Government-commissioned reports have claimed that left-wingers tend to drink more water and also to use water more carelessly than others, particularly in times of drought. The Daily Mail has claimed that, in addition, people who shirk their voting duties tend to indulge in strange sexual activities and eat young children when the moon is full. Diebechtel are believed to be developing a machine capable of testing these assertions.
We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out differently due to inaccuracies in the present
Plans to introduce new combined home voting machines and water meters could go ahead within as little as two years, according to a Government statement released today. The Government has described the measure as "the most significant enhancement of British democracy since the introduction of universal suffrage". The machines will eliminate once and for all the tiresome business of drawing large crosses on pieces of paper. A number of studies have found that the resulting graphological stress has been largely responsible for the lowering of turnouts at recent general elections.
The so-called MMR machines (for Member and Moisture Registration) are manufactured by Diebechtel, the US company which revolutionised American democracy nearly twenty years ago. Units of water consumed are electronically logged and the record is automatically sent to the central computer at Diebechtel headquarters. Records are then processed and sent out electronically to the various companies which supply Britain's water.
During elections, candidates will be allotted individual numbers which voters will dial like telephone numbers on their MMR machines in order to register their vote. The votes will be sent automatically to the central computer at Diebechtel headquarters, where they will be processed and announced by a Diebechtel-sponsored Returning Officer.
The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, has raised objections to the fact that several radical and left-wing parties will be permitted as choices, as well as an option for "none of the above". Many such parties have no national presence and therefore should be denied a permanent "entry point" into people's lives through the machines, Mr Johnson said.
The Government has said that most such parties are included purely for statistical purposes, and Diebold has said that the danger of any of them actually gaining a seat is "so small as to be negligent."
The Government also hopes to gain insight into the correlation between voting habits and water use. Several Government-commissioned reports have claimed that left-wingers tend to drink more water and also to use water more carelessly than others, particularly in times of drought. The Daily Mail has claimed that, in addition, people who shirk their voting duties tend to indulge in strange sexual activities and eat young children when the moon is full. Diebechtel are believed to be developing a machine capable of testing these assertions.
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