News 2020
Putting the wind up the first draft of history
When it eventually happens, remember you read it here first
The loss of the Bulldog 13 Mars probe was largely the fault of asylum seekers, the official report will state tomorrow. The Foundation for UK-Interplanetary Travel (FUKIT) has spent nearly three years investigating what was, at the time of its occurrence, the British space programme's latest mishap.
Bulldog 13 was the eleventh in the series of robotic probes, funded and launched by the US but painted by British employees in Liverpool, Birmingham and the Punjab, which represent Britain's efforts at independent space exploration. The programme was begun after Britain elected to opt out of the European Union's space programme, on the grounds that participation would have undermined Westminster's sovereignty over the colour of the capsules.
Contact was lost with Bulldog 13 three minutes before the exploration module was due to land on the Martian surface, some 200 miles from the US base at New Texas, where several British nationals are employed for their quaint accents and toilet-cleaning talents. An American exploration party later found the wreckage and returned it to Earth via the space shuttle Mom's Apple Pie.
The official report on Bulldog 13, which will be published tomorrow, says that the primary cause of the crash was loss of communication with the exploration module during its descent towards the surface. "It's pretty clear that this whole fiasco can be laid at the doorstep of asylum seekers," said FUKIT chairperson Lady Zelda Scott-Tracy. "If we didn't have to keep them alive while they're waiting to be sent back, none of this would have happened. They're just using up electricity that could be better spent elsewhere."
The British energy supplier, PowerCon, has said that it will look into the amounts of electricity used in the country's seventeen processing centres, where asylum seekers are almost routinely fed, clothed and kept from freezing to death at the expense of the British taxpayer. "Obviously we will do all we can to ensure that the power we generate reaches the most deserving causes," said PowerCon executive Winfield Sellascale.
When it eventually happens, remember you read it here first
The loss of the Bulldog 13 Mars probe was largely the fault of asylum seekers, the official report will state tomorrow. The Foundation for UK-Interplanetary Travel (FUKIT) has spent nearly three years investigating what was, at the time of its occurrence, the British space programme's latest mishap.
Bulldog 13 was the eleventh in the series of robotic probes, funded and launched by the US but painted by British employees in Liverpool, Birmingham and the Punjab, which represent Britain's efforts at independent space exploration. The programme was begun after Britain elected to opt out of the European Union's space programme, on the grounds that participation would have undermined Westminster's sovereignty over the colour of the capsules.
Contact was lost with Bulldog 13 three minutes before the exploration module was due to land on the Martian surface, some 200 miles from the US base at New Texas, where several British nationals are employed for their quaint accents and toilet-cleaning talents. An American exploration party later found the wreckage and returned it to Earth via the space shuttle Mom's Apple Pie.
The official report on Bulldog 13, which will be published tomorrow, says that the primary cause of the crash was loss of communication with the exploration module during its descent towards the surface. "It's pretty clear that this whole fiasco can be laid at the doorstep of asylum seekers," said FUKIT chairperson Lady Zelda Scott-Tracy. "If we didn't have to keep them alive while they're waiting to be sent back, none of this would have happened. They're just using up electricity that could be better spent elsewhere."
The British energy supplier, PowerCon, has said that it will look into the amounts of electricity used in the country's seventeen processing centres, where asylum seekers are almost routinely fed, clothed and kept from freezing to death at the expense of the British taxpayer. "Obviously we will do all we can to ensure that the power we generate reaches the most deserving causes," said PowerCon executive Winfield Sellascale.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home