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The ongoing corporate battle for full spectrum dominance in the genetic field continues with the attempt of three separate conglomerates to patent the XYY chromosome. Researchers claim that men with this genetic abnormality are susceptible to extreme fits of uncontrollable aggression. "That sounds like the kind of chromosome we want to have on side," said Shelby Nugget of Murdoch Disney, one of the corporations bidding for the patent.
Murdoch Disney's two rivals - fast-food and aerospace chain McDonalds-Douglas, and venture capitalists Carcharodon Carcharias - are also believed to want the chromosome for its ability to increase competitive drive. "This is not just another tarbrush lawsuit," said Burton Halley of McDonalds.
Mr Halley was referring to the still controversial case of 2012, when General Foods and Fertilisers patented various portions of the genetic profile of black people, then sued the entire black population of the planet for violation of copyright every time one of them had a child.
"This is a simple matter of survival," said Mr Halley. "We've got to be realistic here. In the corporate arena, nice guys don't even finish last. They don't finish at all." At the same time, he said, "McDonalds has a long and cherished tradition of service to the public good - a tradition which we plan to continue once we get our hands on that patent."
But the chromosome may prove more trouble than it's worth to the winners, says genetic expert Dr Miniver Mutoid, who produced the first custom-built tsetse fly for the medical insurance company Lansley Burstow Reid, and is now a senior adviser to the Health Secretary. "Whichever company gets the patent on the chromosome, it's still going to be hard for them to control the men who have it," he said.
Yancey Bladderine of Carcharodon Carcharias believes the whole race to patent the XYY chromosome is misconceived. "It's strictly a minority thing," he said. "What's needed now is to patent something everybody's already got and can't avoid having. That's where the paydirt is. But it can't be managed just yet because of the creeping state socialism we're living under at the moment. Nobody seems to want businesspersons to be dynamic these days."
Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives
The ongoing corporate battle for full spectrum dominance in the genetic field continues with the attempt of three separate conglomerates to patent the XYY chromosome. Researchers claim that men with this genetic abnormality are susceptible to extreme fits of uncontrollable aggression. "That sounds like the kind of chromosome we want to have on side," said Shelby Nugget of Murdoch Disney, one of the corporations bidding for the patent.
Murdoch Disney's two rivals - fast-food and aerospace chain McDonalds-Douglas, and venture capitalists Carcharodon Carcharias - are also believed to want the chromosome for its ability to increase competitive drive. "This is not just another tarbrush lawsuit," said Burton Halley of McDonalds.
Mr Halley was referring to the still controversial case of 2012, when General Foods and Fertilisers patented various portions of the genetic profile of black people, then sued the entire black population of the planet for violation of copyright every time one of them had a child.
"This is a simple matter of survival," said Mr Halley. "We've got to be realistic here. In the corporate arena, nice guys don't even finish last. They don't finish at all." At the same time, he said, "McDonalds has a long and cherished tradition of service to the public good - a tradition which we plan to continue once we get our hands on that patent."
But the chromosome may prove more trouble than it's worth to the winners, says genetic expert Dr Miniver Mutoid, who produced the first custom-built tsetse fly for the medical insurance company Lansley Burstow Reid, and is now a senior adviser to the Health Secretary. "Whichever company gets the patent on the chromosome, it's still going to be hard for them to control the men who have it," he said.
Yancey Bladderine of Carcharodon Carcharias believes the whole race to patent the XYY chromosome is misconceived. "It's strictly a minority thing," he said. "What's needed now is to patent something everybody's already got and can't avoid having. That's where the paydirt is. But it can't be managed just yet because of the creeping state socialism we're living under at the moment. Nobody seems to want businesspersons to be dynamic these days."
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