The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

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The Department of Health is to spend £1.6 million on an advertising campaign to counter public misconceptions about radiation sickness, it was announced today. Many members of the public have an exaggerated fear of the fallout from the various minor nuclear strikes which have taken place in the past few years as part of the response to anti-globalisation violence and terror. The radioactive dust is carried by atmospheric weather systems to all parts of the earth, but the Department of Health says the British people are becoming "unduly worried about a very small risk."

"It will be a very upbeat campaign," said Cranbourne Glibb, the Health Secretary. "The adverts are very amusing and tasteful, and I hope will convincingly debunk some of the more ludicrous fallacies while providing a concise and effective guide to prevention."

Among the fallacies to be debunked will be the idea that radiation sickness is invariably fatal and can be caught from toilet seats. "Of couse it's perfectly true that it makes your hair and teeth fall out, causes subcutaneous bleeding and blocks your intestines now and again," said Mr Glibb, displaying the waggish sense of humour which has made him one of Britain's least popular public figures; "but surely that's more than enough to be going on with, without adding mythical problems to the mix."

Mr Glibb added that there were many other health problems which posed a far greater risk for the British public than radiation. "You have a far greater chance of being run over by a car or blown up by terrorists than of suffering radioactive contamination from nuclear fallout," he said. "And, if you're on benefits and live in the slums, it would really be more responsible to start worrying about rickets, tuberculosis and typhoid."

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