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We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out wrong due to inaccuracies in the present
The pharmaceutical corporation SKG Health and Strength has threatened to boycott the 2024 Olympics unless athletes who use its drugs are permitted to display the company logo. The Olympics Committee opposes the SKG claim with the objection that display of corporate logos on athletes' clothing could be construed as advertising and hence a violation of their amateur status. SKG argues that the athletes would not be paid to wear the logos and that, in any case, even professional advertisers can still be amateur athletes. It is estimated that, in the 2020 games at Tashkent, 75% of Britain's gold medals and 90% of America's were won by athletes using performance enhancers manufactured by SKG subsidiaries.
The case against rail contractors Jarvis Junior, brought by the families of the 147 people who were crushed to death in the last two King's Cross disasters, has collapsed because the plaintiffs can no longer afford to pay the legal costs involved. Cady Shunt KC, representing Jarvis Junior, called the result "an unequivocal vindication". The families' condemnation of the pursuit of profits was "spectacularly naïve," said Mr Shunt, for it was only by making a profit that the company could hope to continue improving its safety measures. "If you're really concerned for safety on public transport, use our trains and pay your fares," said Jarvis Junior executive Murtagh McCrimm. "If you want something done about the overcrowding, use our trains and pay your fares so we can afford the necessary improvements."
Emergency telephone calls to the police, fire and ambulance services have decreased sharply since the introduction of the 0898-999 number, government figures revealed today. The privately-run emergency line replaced the old 999 number eighteen months ago, and the contractor's latest set of six-monthly figures shows a continuing increase in profits, derived from the call charges, from the monthly connection charges paid by hospitals, police and fire stations, and from the fines payable in case of inappropriate usage. Both the Government and the contractor, Caring Communications plc, said they were "highly satisfied" with the company's performance. "The decrease in emergency calls shows that private partnership in public services really does make for a safer Britain," said Home Office junior minister Nigel Gent.
We regret that we cannot be held responsible if the future turns out wrong due to inaccuracies in the present
The pharmaceutical corporation SKG Health and Strength has threatened to boycott the 2024 Olympics unless athletes who use its drugs are permitted to display the company logo. The Olympics Committee opposes the SKG claim with the objection that display of corporate logos on athletes' clothing could be construed as advertising and hence a violation of their amateur status. SKG argues that the athletes would not be paid to wear the logos and that, in any case, even professional advertisers can still be amateur athletes. It is estimated that, in the 2020 games at Tashkent, 75% of Britain's gold medals and 90% of America's were won by athletes using performance enhancers manufactured by SKG subsidiaries.
The case against rail contractors Jarvis Junior, brought by the families of the 147 people who were crushed to death in the last two King's Cross disasters, has collapsed because the plaintiffs can no longer afford to pay the legal costs involved. Cady Shunt KC, representing Jarvis Junior, called the result "an unequivocal vindication". The families' condemnation of the pursuit of profits was "spectacularly naïve," said Mr Shunt, for it was only by making a profit that the company could hope to continue improving its safety measures. "If you're really concerned for safety on public transport, use our trains and pay your fares," said Jarvis Junior executive Murtagh McCrimm. "If you want something done about the overcrowding, use our trains and pay your fares so we can afford the necessary improvements."
Emergency telephone calls to the police, fire and ambulance services have decreased sharply since the introduction of the 0898-999 number, government figures revealed today. The privately-run emergency line replaced the old 999 number eighteen months ago, and the contractor's latest set of six-monthly figures shows a continuing increase in profits, derived from the call charges, from the monthly connection charges paid by hospitals, police and fire stations, and from the fines payable in case of inappropriate usage. Both the Government and the contractor, Caring Communications plc, said they were "highly satisfied" with the company's performance. "The decrease in emergency calls shows that private partnership in public services really does make for a safer Britain," said Home Office junior minister Nigel Gent.
3 Comments:
At 11:31 am ,
Raoul Djukanovic said...
Dear Sirs,
It has come to my attention of late that certain elements are expounding a thesis of societal decay in order to advance their own nefarious interests. I note with great satisfaction that the pages of your journal hold no truck with these malcontents; indeed, it is imperative that the bar be raised beyond their means to participate. Such is the price of progress after all: our very hopelessness denies them the oxygen of hope.
Onward. Upward.
Insincerely yours,
Hector Higginbotham
At 3:23 pm ,
Philip said...
Dear Mr Higginbotham
Thank you for your kind words. Not only must we deny these rogue citizens the oxygen of hope, as you so airily put it, but our fearlessness must deny them the vitamin pills of terrorism, our relentlessness must deny them the spinach of relief, and our gutlessness must deny them the cummerbund of organisation. To these noble ends our journal is irrevocably dedicated, as well as to impartiality and one or two other things.
By the way, are you by any chance the Hector Higginbotham with whom I had such a marvellous time behind the Duchess of Broadmoor's hat at the last Henley Regatta? If so, please send me my wallet by return.
At 3:40 pm ,
Raoul Djukanovic said...
Sirs,
I regret to inform you that you have mistaken my identity for that of the honourable Henry Higgins and the location of our tryst for the ladies' enclosure at Ascot. Although I am tempted to request your vintner's particulars, I should stress that I was most perturbed to hear your erstwhile companion's sustained resort to the argot of the guttersnipe.
Now that I am fully cognisant of your disregard for the facts of the matter in pursuit of a clean conscience, I am bound to state that I shall in future seek my information elsewhere. Should we have the misfortune of crossing paths at Henley next year, be advised that I will refrain from taking you up on your previous invitation: "I'll back Bucks if you back Berks".
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Regretfully yours,
H. Higginbotham (Ms.)
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