Gunboat Something-or-Other

It isn't often that the strutting Caudillo of the Farage Falange gets to play the voice of moderation, and he has seized his current chance with all the slippery strength of his perspiring little paws. His underling the former Minister for Richard Desmond had waved the wog-baiting willy with perhaps a trifle too much gusto, proclaiming that a Falange régime would send in the Marines to apply all necessary lethal force against the migrant hordes. In response the Minister for Wog-Bombing and Refugee Creation proclaimed such an attitude contrary to British values and worthy only of lesser breeds, and protested tautologicaly that Britain does not take military action against civilians: being on the wrong side of British military action vitiates civilian status as automatically as being on the right side of the Conservative Party guarantees a shadow ministry in the Falange. The strutting Caudillo was moved to clarify that force would only be used if Britain's plucky little servicepersons were fired upon by lowlife scum; although it remains as yet unclear how many of the small boats crossing the Channel are equipped with cannon, or how many armed assaults have taken place other than by the dinghy-stabbing martyr of the Dover and Portsmouth Blackshirts, or how many actual gangsters and people-smugglers are so suffused with British values as to risk their own lives along with those of their victims.