Oh How We Laughed

One of the few sights more depressing than that of Daveybloke attempting to imitate a human being is, of course, the sight of Daveybloke's orange muffler attempting to imitate Daveybloke attempting to imitate a human being; and journalists queueing for a handout at the Westminster trough have duly been edified by the spectacle of a floundering middle-aged blandness trying to be intentionally funny. Wee Nicky warmed up with a delightful pun about the Liberal Democrat spokesbeing for sustainable uranium, Chris Huhne: "I don't know any politician better at getting his points across." The word points, you see, referred both to political news management (the modern-day equivalent for the old "democratic debate") and to the penalty points on Huhne's driving license. What a scream it must have been. As the journalists, according to their dispositions, grunted with mirth or explained the joke to their Murdoch-oriented colleagues or reached for the Prozac, Wee Nicky made another joke, this one playing on the ambiguity of the term left-winger as it applies to Ryan Giggs and, of all people, the leader of the Labour party. Apparently Wee Nicky believes that the Upper (formerly Lower) Miliband is some sort of leftist. The evidence for this idea escapes me; but then, compared to Wee Nicky and his poor-bashing, banker-petting, wog-bombing chums, Ken Clarke could probably pass for a leftist after little more than a bang on the head and a minor self-interest bypass.

Wee Nicky did find time, amid his coruscating display of wit, for a few moments of But Seriously Folks. He said that he did not relish having to make the Conservatives' cuts; or, in Standard English, having to stand on the sidelines making faces while the Conservatives made what cuts they pleased. Wee Nicky also gave another of his famous displays of principle by stating that he had no overriding objection to sending his children to a school where they will be indoctrinated with ideas Wee Nicky believes to be false.