The Curmudgeon


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Distraction Clearance

The political enforcer accused of assaulting a woman during a memorial event for Ian Tomlinson, who died of the Metropolitan Police's peacekeeping efforts last year, has been giving a statesmanlike performance in his defence. His first tactic was the nuclear scare which is meant to make whatever is actually used look reasonable, be it white phosphorous or depleted uranium: the woman was lucky to have been backhanded and then hit with a baton because he could have broken her arm or jaw. His second tactic was, appropriately enough, the good old New Labour pre-emption of nonexistent weapons. His third, which the minions of New Labour and New New Labour are presumably saving for the memoirs, was the admission that he acted from fear; although he does show a pleasing Blarite chutzpah in claiming that the video footage and photographs of his actions are inaccurate because they fail to convey that he was in a blundering Brownite panic at the time. Finally, regarding his suspension from duty, he played the George W Bush card: "It has been explained to me in a number of different ways but I still do not understand". At this rate Sergeant Delroy Smellie is going to find a parliamentary career virtually impossible to avoid.


  • At 8:19 pm , Blogger Giovanni said...

    A bloke from the power company came to read our meter the other day. I opened the door and said to him "come in, right this way" to avoid breaking his arm or jaw.

    It worked, too.

  • At 8:42 pm , Blogger Philip said...

    It isn't easy being a cop.

  • At 8:45 pm , Blogger Giovanni said...

    Incidentally, I wonder in how many different ways they've tried to explain to Smellie that he cannot be trusted to brutalise citizens without ending up on YouTube, and which part of "look around for cellphones aimed at you first" he doesn't understand.

  • At 10:19 pm , Blogger phil said...

    Evidently it's because he was originally from Bolton.

    WV="casping": what someone with a lisp does when they see a straw.


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