Old English Cooking

Heatwaves in England over the past four years have contributed to the deaths of over three and a half thousand mostly elderly people, including almost nine hundred last summer alone, according to a report by mere experts at Public Health England. Climate researchers and even a few seat-warmers in the House of Expenses Claimants have warned that Britain is failing to adapt to climate change; a heatwave plan for England has been in place since the third elective miracle of the Incarnated Blair but, being suited neither for profiteering nor for wog-bombing, has apparently made little difference. Fortunately, the Government cares almost as much about public health as it does about the climate emergency; nevertheless, English patriots may one day be duly grateful for the Prime Minister's prodigious yet modestly concealed procreative exploits. A significant decline in the population could easily encourage the heresy that we might find room for a couple of dozen more child refugees, with the usual devastating consequences for our thousand-year tradition of world-beating entrepreneurial buccaneeritude.