Seamless Britishness

In yet another political manoeuvre designed to defeat the Farage Falange by becoming the Farage Falange, the Ministry for Wog Control is to institute punitive measures against those who cannot make up their minds to be British. Starting on the eve of the Manchester by-election, people with dual nationality will be denied entry to the country unless they either have a British passport or pay a fine of £589 in return for a certificate of racial acceptability. Any foreign-born children of British citizens will also be treated as Euro-wogs by default until they demonstrate the proper degree of fiscal patriotism. Nevertheless, while this ministerial master-stroke has prompted an outcry from British expatriates resentful of being treated like immigrants, it remains once more unclear whether the Farage Falange will condescend to be appeased.