Royal Justice

However much Team Starmer may concur with the Trumpster concerning the final abolition of international law, it seems our own judicial Britishness remains as efficient as ever. Under the previous rabble, the Ministry for Profitable Incarceration leased a prison from the Duchy of Cornwall, which is the estate charged with the upkeep of the Prince of Wales. Doubtless respect for the honour of His Royal Highness was what prevented either side of the bargain from ensuring that the place was at least slightly less radioactive than the then-future Andrew Mountbatten Windsor, Gentleman. In fact, the Government had known for several years that the prison held high levels of carcinogenic radon gas; but since lung cancer is too good for sex offenders and not quick enough for asylum seekers, even the Ministry for Profitable Incarceration is unlikely to use the building much for the remainder of the ten-year lease. The last staff and inmates were only let out in 2024, so the Ministry for Profitable Incarceration is also facing lawsuits from ex-inmates and prison officers over the possible risk to their health. Fortunately, the great British taxpayer is on hand as always to make sure that neither His Majesty's Government nor the Duchy of Cornwall is unduly inconvenienced.