Global Trends May Affect Britain, Claims Shock Report

Officers of Britain's national security agencies have apparently duped so many ecological activists into sleeping with them that even our more military intelligences have begun to suspect that climate breakdown might perhaps be a Bad Thing. A hard-hitting report, cautiously submitted by MI5 and MI6 bigwigs via some protective sock-puppets at the Department for Enduring Floods and Renovating Airports, notes that the collapse of global ecosystems could harm British national security even though it is British. The report charitably verifies what mere experts have been saying for decades, and radically recommends that somebody ought to do something about it. Specifically, it advocates fostering resilience and preparedness, presumably via the expedient of increased funding for the right sort of people at Britain's national security agencies. Those of us who have not the lonely privilege of service can only stand and marvel at the perspicacity.