Torrid Tower Tour Terror

Just as Palestinian independence is a laudable enough goal provided it serves the interests of the Righteous State and its backers, so redistribution of wealth can be a harmless enough policy provided it enriches the right sort of people. Alas, such nuance is lost upon those who weaponise apple crumble in the service of their treasonous schemes to undermine the nation's heritage. A protest group has staged a crumble-related incident at the Tower of London, assaulting some hefty Ruritanian headgear and criminally damaging the tourist industry in the name of taxing the rich. Fortunately the Crown Jewels were unharmed, thanks to a borderline un-British degree of foresight in rendering them resistant to lower-class stodge. Nevertheless, the police having rather loosely categorised the missile as food, it is to be expected that His Majesty's Government will take steps to proscribe any desserts with similar terroristic potential.