Nation Shall Speak Profit Unto Nation

It appears that the martyrdom of the sainted Charles James Kirk has provoked an epiphany of sorts among the Heathen Chinee. Several companies are churning out knock-off merchandise with all the alacrity of a Catholic nunnery hawking pickled foreskins of the Apostles; some are insidious enough to promise that profits will be donated to the Heavenly Charlie's family or other enterprises, despite the Saviour's clear and repeated injunctions against worldly wealth. Fake social media accounts are being set up to promote the relics, yea even in the face of Facebook's rigorous scammer police: a practice upon which the Heavenly Hunk presumably looks down with gentle gladness at his role in helping the Heathen Chinee towards the adoption of authentic American values.