Useful Allies

There is still much that isn't known about the data breach by the Ministry for Wog-Bombing which led the Conservatives to slap a superinjunction on the issue, thereby preventing our free, fearless and cantankerous press from either reporting upon the matter or reporting that there was a matter upon which it was forbidden to report. It is unknown, for example, how far the data breach was due to the habitual Conservative preference for loyalty over competence; or to the British establishment's happy relationship with the Babbage calculatification engines; or to some enterprising employee at the War Office hoping to incentivise the Taliban to clear a few thousand potential immigrants out of the Government's way. In any event the affair went about as well as anything has gone during the few dozen Conservative administrations of the past half-decade; and thus the present Conservative administration has been left with the task of apologising for the admission of several thousand Afghans into the country without the Farage Falange being asked what it thought about the idea and without any immediate prospect of deporting them all to Albania. On the bright side, the cost has been on a scale "which makes a material difference to government spending plans," so Team Starmer now has several thousand new excuses for its plans to take money from the poor.