Benign Condition Observed at White House - No Need to Panic, Medics Claim

As if all the nonsense over the Epstein files were not enough, the White House has now spawned a conspiracy theory about the Trumpster's legs. The official role of court physician is of course being squatted in by the Kennedy brainworm, so the Trumpster is understandably inclined to seek personal medical advice elsewhere. The royal physique has been examined by one Sean Prettybeard instead, and it seems the Trumpster's legs are subject to swelling which, if left unattended, might obliterate his bone spurs and with them all public record of his heroism in saving America from Vietnamese aggression. In ordinary mortals such swelling results from the veins lacking the necessary entrepreneurship to carry blood to the heart; but matters of mortal circulation hardly seem relevant when the patient's physical entity consists entirely of a super-sized fluorescent orange bladder inflated by the toxic flatulence of a rabid mutant head-tribble. Fortunately, treatment for chronic venous insufficiency can include such all-American pastimes as walking and losing weight, so even should the head-tribble take the diagnosis seriously it shouldn't cause anyone too much bother.